Ictus and Starza are father and daughter vegetarians that haven't always seen eye-to-eye on the issues of diet and animal cruelty. In fact, it's safe to say that Ictus was quite upset about his daughter's decision to stop eating animals and didn't understand it at all. Things have changed though. Maybe it was Starza's influence mixed with a little serendipity that converted Ictus. In the end, the route they took isn't as important as the destination because it's not just about being vegetarian; it's about a father/daughter relationship, healing, and life parallels.

Lucy: Can you give me some background on Starza's conversion to vegetarianism?

Ictus: It started when she was about 13. Starza says the turning point was a class she took about hunting that really changed her mind to never touch meat for the rest of her life. I dismissed it as a fad because Starza was always an individualist. I just thought this was another thing Starza was doing to stand out from the crowd. I didn't think she was sincere. She stuck with it in spite my ranting and ravings. At that time, I was a very heavy beef-eater. Ironically, I can't stand looking at the stuff anymore.

How did you handle the day-to-day conflicts over this?

There was already conflict in our kitchen. Being Jewish, I enjoyed trying to be kosher, and my wife didn't. Adding onto this problem was Starza's vegetarianism. It was a real circus trying to feed everybody and nobody made it easy for my wife. Eventually Starza became vegan. That was the last straw. I was pretty upset about it and angry that she was "getting away with it". In my eyes, in those days, it seemed like just one more thing that she was getting away with. My wife was a bit easier going.

So, there was also a parenting conflict going on during this time.

Yes. Throughout her teenage years and up to college, we had a love/hate relationship about a lot of things. I disagreed with just about everything she did whether it was clothing or makeup. I chalked it up to being a teenager but the vegetarian thing was just one more thing to make me angry.

So it added fuel to the fire….

Absolutely.

I didn't think of it as vegetarianism by itself. It's just one more thing to make me angry…the straw that broke the camels back. It was another thing to go to mom with because I say "no" and she says "yes." It could be divisive also.

Tell me about your process of letting go of the conflict, accepting Starza's choice, and seeing it as a viable option?

I was experiencing terrible pain in my stomach and I couldn't walk. I went to a physician and had all these tests done. They couldn't find anything. I realized the one question the doctor didn't ask me was "what is your diet?" The first question should have been "what are you eating to make you feel this way?" I just kind of figured it out…maybe subconsciously; living with Starza's vegetarian proselytizing every now and then. I guess it wore me down. Not really. I was willing to try anything at that point. I remember a couple of times at work, I had to sit down because I was doubling over and no doctors could figure out what the heck it was.

So your day-to-day functioning was being affected by this….

Yes! I couldn't move. It was getting scary and they couldn't find anything internally. One day I woke up and said, "I'm not going to eat meat and see what happens." The first week I dropped ten pounds.

How did your friends and family react?

I was ribbed by everybody. Starza was thrilled to death. A lot of great things happened from just that small act. My health is much better. The pain went away. I'm wearing clothes I haven't worn in years. I'm down to the same weight I was 20 years ago. The best part of it was I got close to my daughter. She's always been one to be different….everything I told her not to do, she did. I guess it's a natural thing but she is a really good kid and she's smart.

I picture Starza as being a little on the fringe; alternative in her appearance and preferences.

Yes. I would say she is. One day she wanted to get her ear pierced 5 more times and I told her "no". The next year, she did it anyway.

Did you lose track of her sensibilities when she became vegetarian?

I think the diet was one more thing that she wanted to add to her repertoire of being different from everybody else. I thought it was just a typical teenage phase.

Did you think about whether or not she had clearly thought it out? Was that part of your concern?

Right…I think it is normal for teens to think of the moment and not of the future.

Did Starza' attempts of proselytizing affect that moment when you realized the doctor didn't ask about your diet? Had you ever thought about a doctor asking you about diet previously?

I think she worked on my subconscious. I had some problems 12 years ago and I didn't even think about diet. I thought something was seriously wrong. Living for 4 years with this vegetarian thing…being reminded it might have crept into my subconscious.

What do you suggest to parents whose teen is becoming vegetarian?

I think they have to ask the kid why they want to be a vegetarian and listen to the answer. Listen to your kids and don't jump to conclusions so fast and you have to try to see if your teenager is sincere about it or if it's a fad. There is also a lot of literature out there that parents can and should read about vegetarian diets.

You became a vegetarian for health reasons. Have you ended up incorporating other reasons into your philosophy, such as the ones Starza spoke of when she first converted?

Oh yah. I'm a complete animal rights person now. Now that I'm on the other side of the fence (from being a meat eater), I realize how much discrimination there is and lack of choice…just like with being Jewish. People will say, "Oh you're Jewish? Where are your horns?" It's one more thing that the general public around here (small town in the south) just adds to their attitudes…with their eyes rolling back and glances and all that stuff.

That's an interesting parallel.

It is. It's one more thing for people not to like about me.

And you were saying it was one more thing for Starza to be doing that added to your frustration. That's an interesting parallel.

I'm living exactly the life that she was living when she was 14 years old. Instead of having a father on my back, I have society or my colleagues or going to the supermarket with the same feelings that she probably had when I was giving her such a hard time.

And the faith issue…I just think it's really interesting that you are facing discrimination in so many ways….you're fringe now, too.

Right. Things have been rough because I'm in the bible thumping south. It's a very conservative area. I know there are a few closet vegetarians here though. It's not easy and people need to know.

I feel what Starza was going through and is going through. I'm looking at life a little differently now. I don't believe in killing animals. She's also against animal testing and I used to be diehard about that, too. Now I know there are alternative ways to do medical research.

Wow! She's really had an effect on you, hasn't she?

It's unbelievable. It's been such a turn around. People can't believe I'm sincere about it. Starza and I have had a lot of connections together as father and daughter. We disagree on just about everything you could possibly disagree on except for this one thing; being vegetarian.